[thoughts from ~burning woman~ by Sha’Tara]
I’ll start with a few chosen quotes…which I may use later to illustrate some points.
“Propagandists are experts at convincing clueless dolts it’s raining when their government is actually pissing down their backs.” (1EarthUnited-WordPress)
“It is not good for man to cherish a solitary ambition. Unless there be those around him, by whose example he may regulate himself, his thoughts, desires, and hopes will become extravagant, and he the semblance, perhaps the reality, of a madman.” ― Nathaniel Hawthorne
“Modern anxiety is expressed in the longing for what most people fear, even as modern grief is expressed in the unconsummated mourning for what they never really had.” ― Joseph Roach
There are connections between those quotes. Who, for example, listens to propagandists? Well, people who feel a terrible need to take everything seriously, like me, for example. Only I go a step further: I go to all the trouble of rejecting their propaganda, which means that I had to first, listen to them, then make the effort to realize they are liars, then tell myself I was filling my mind with lies and I needed to exert extra energy to cleanse my mind of their lies. Stupid.
Who but someone who takes things too seriously, particularly herself, would cherish a solitary ambition? What’s the point of practicing the art of abnegation; of extreme unselfishness; of giving and giving until nothing remains but a husk when you know at the beginning of the exercise the more you give, the more you go along, the more you clean after, the more will be expected and demanded until a plantation field hand slave is richer and better cared for than you?
Let me paraphrase something I read in the Bible a long time ago. In the King James version it said, “be anxious for nothing… your father in heaven knows your needs and as he takes care of the birds of the air, so he’ll take care of you when you serve him.” I said, paraphrase, remember? But that’s the gist of what I was taught. I believed it too – I wanted to believe it, and as I was raised in relative poverty, often in a kind of hand-to-mouth existence, I needed to believe it because even as a child I saw many people much worse off than I, or my family, ever were. Being raised very religious I thought I needed to understand God. I never did – for the record.
So I thought, well, maybe I’m supposed to be “god” – not in the fabulous (blasphemous) sense taught by all false religions, but in the giving, caring, understanding, helping and also the warning sense. I should have written, to be “like” God – and that didn’t pan out either because the more serious I got, and the more ways I sought to maximize my personal efforts on behalf of the less fortunate, the less like God I became because the more I actually cared about justice and the less I cared about what people believed.
That brings me to writing about the greatest loss of my life: when I lost “God.” As I quoted above, Joseph Roach said, “modern grief is expressed in the unconsummated mourning for what they never really had.” That’s how it was: I grieved for the loss of something I never had, I just imagined (powerfully so) that I’d had it. The mourning I experienced lasted years, and it returns time and again and I have to make a huge and deliberate effort to shake it off, send it away.
You see, this loss I experienced was that of a comfort that gave no comfort, just the idea of it. I had faith in an idea; my love was for an idea; an idea I idealized to the point where I expected “it” to empower me to live a good, righteous, selfless, basically “sinless” life and this ideal would make this life short enough that I could see it to the end without ever having time to doubt.
That’s taking life seriously.
In all likelihood I will continue to take life seriously… but not today. Not right now. I’ve been following the antics of “the world” as they spin off from Washington, the Pentagon, Wall Street and the very same “trinity of bull shit” in every other nation on the planet, trying desperately to make sense of something, and well, it would take even greater faith than I poured into “God” in the first half of my life to believe that in all this “information” pouring into my brain, any of it matters.
As of right now, until whenever, I’m saying yes, I’ve been taking life way too seriously. Humanity is a joke. A very bad joke, but a joke nevertheless. It’s an orgy of dysfunction that is in love with itself and seeks to expand itself exponentially – and does.
But listen, it isn’t just man that’s gone off the reservation. All of life on earth is nuts – certifiable. It’s not immediately obvious to most people because they don’t look at the tapestry from a certain distance, they look at it piecemeal. They don’t see the dysfunction of a predatory system that rules everything here. Were it not for the massive and on-going killing, everything would have been overrun long ago and earth would be massive dead swamps and deserts. That’s the legacy of this world if its modus operandi doesn’t change.
Did it start as a massive joke from some long-gone “creators” for their entertainment, or did some programming go wrong? Either way, it’s now laugh or cry, and today, I’m laughing! A dysfunction of such massive proportions dwarfs the shenanigans of the Greek, Roman and Nordic gods. Man doesn’t need gods, man is the gods. Everyone is a participant in the final playoffs. Whether it’s the Hunger Games or The Price is Right… enjoy the game. Give yourself a great, loud belly laugh, today. As Robert DeNiro so famously said, “Let’s worry about next time, next time.”
A couple more quotes, to close.
“My experience of life is that it is not divided up into genres; it’s a horrifying, romantic, tragic, comical, science-fiction cowboy detective novel. You know, with a bit of pornography if you’re lucky.” ― Alan Moore
“We are not idealized wild things. We are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves. As we were. As we are no longer. As we will one day not be at all.” ― Joan Didion