A Difficult but Necessary Matter of Balance

 (thoughts from    ~burning woman~   by Sha’Tara)

I haven’t had much time for blogging lately, being as they say, busy.  But surprisingly, I’ve had time, perhaps too much time, to think about this world, about its overall condition and where it is heading, apparently heedless and unaware.  I know this is a judgment forming an opinion, but not once in my entire life of 70 years has my sense of where things are going ever been wrong.  It’s like a compass in my mind, something I can “see” and rely on entirely, basing my personal movements on it, knowing when to “hold and when to fold” as the song goes.

I feel massive waves of sorrow passing over me time and again, triggered by many encounters: a baby in its mother’s arms; an old man hunched over waiting to safely cross a busy street; a homeless lady holding a sign saying, ‘Please buy my CD, I’m hungry’ and displaying a CD she probably found in a dumpster – (she got lucky: I saw her and I chose to believe her despite all the propaganda against her) or even moved to a helpless stop by the wind’s choreography of tree branches not yet covered in leaves.  A house hunched behind a sagging gate; a rusting sign from a business that went broke years before…  

Have you ever just “thought” about “the world” and had tears well in your eyes until they started flowing down your cheeks?  Closed your eyes and brought your hands together as if in prayer, though you don’t pray?  Then thinking, ‘Do I want to be here?’ and knowing the answer is ‘No, I don’t want to feel this, this way, connected to this chaos of ignorance, of pain, of apparent mindlessness.  I don’t want to be the stranger any longer; to not be able to speak to the trees, the birds, the clouds.  I’m tired of just feeling and finding it so terribly difficult to harness those feelings; to draw intelligence, awareness, understanding, acceptance and meaningful teaching from them.  That is probably neither their purpose, nor task but I’m breaking the rules here.’ 

Life, I find, is like driving a street.  Some parts are smooth, some rough.  Some are safe and some, well, you may not get out of alive.  The truly sad part is, much of life is entered into without its overall costs duly assessed.  People are programmed, it seems, to repeat patterns and unable to stop and consider the risks, the odds, based on previous lives, previous experiences of elder people, or people in history.  ‘What are my chances this is going to work as I hope?’ Is not the question asked.  Plunge into the swamp, there are no alligators here!  But there are, disguised as floating logs.  You may have passed your swimming tests and won medals, but guaranteed: terror is but a splash behind you, and it isn’t virtual reality. 

Too dark a vision?  Probably, but some of us have chosen a path that runs counter to that of the herd and we see that which the herd isn’t permitted to see, and would not want to see in any case. 

Someone has to shed burning hot tears for the dying.  It’s a difficult but necessary matter of balance.  

 

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19 thoughts on “A Difficult but Necessary Matter of Balance

  1. poeturja

    Balance is the secret of life. We see universal truths as we age but like Cassandra, not many believe what we know and say. I so agree with your post…

    Reply
  2. franklparker

    I think perhaps the best we septuagenarians can do is to teach the young acceptance. Not, you understand, blind acceptance, but the acknowledgement that it is wrong to expect others to make things better for us – it is up to us to make things better for ourselves and for others.

    Reply
  3. Lisa R. Palmer

    “Have you ever just “thought” about “the world” and had tears well in your eyes until they started flowing down your cheeks?  Closed your eyes and brought your hands together as if in prayer, though you don’t pray?  Then thinking, ‘Do I want to be here?’ and knowing the answer is ‘No, I don’t want to feel this, this way, connected to this chaos of ignorance, of pain, of apparent mindlessness.”

    Yes! This! Too frequently… And I tell myself my purpose here (or one anyway) is to bear witness to the struggle – the hope, the sorrow, the apathy, the indifference. I record it all upon my soul. To remember. Both the species as a whole, and the individuals who comprise it. And I try to remember that it is not my place to intervene…

    But sometimes… Well, let’s just say I do not always maintain my detachment…

    And this… “Someone has to shed burning hot tears for the dying. It’s a difficult but necessary matter of balance. ” Indeed!

    You are alone in your experience, but not truly alone in your goal (or purpose, perhaps)…

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thanks for your thoughtful reply, Lisa. These realms, or thoughts, some of us are walking through, well, aloneness is part of it, and has to be accepted. Even if millions of “others” were aimed on a similar purpose, according to my Teachers, they can never “join up” to do a job. We are and remain individuals, not collectives, nor groups, as these are immediately co-opted by the Matrix and corrupted. We must remain self-empowered, detached, responsible individuals. (Long story…)

      Reply
  4. Rosaliene Bacchus

    “Have you ever just “thought” about “the world” and had tears well in your eyes until they started flowing down your cheeks?”
    ~ Far too often, my fellow traveler through space and time. At this stage in the life cycle, we are blessed with the vision of years of lived experiences. As you note, now is the time for us to bring the necessary balance within our power.
    ~ Thanks for sharing ❤

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thanks Rosaliene. We are the ones to know how to maintain balance without our own power, and not let it get out of hand as do the servants of the Matrix who turn their power to evil ends.

      Reply
  5. Phil Huston

    The cosmic radio is both a gift, and unforgiving. A friend sent me a news item about a woman arrested for prostitution. Her client had forgotten his cash at work. She took a $30 case of Doritos he had in his trunk. She went to jail, the cops got the Doritos and the guy got off. By that I mean not arrested. “Buy my CD” indeed. She either had serious munchies or was going to stand on the corner and sell them. Doritos, anyone? Sheesh…

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      You had to be there Phil. An old woman in rags, in a wheelchair. You had to see the look in her eyes when I befriended her, if only for a moment. I’m an old hand at reaching out to down-and-outs on the streets of Vancouver – not so easily fooled. In any case, to each her/his own.

      Reply
  6. Carol A. Hand

    My hearts breaks so many times every day, Sha’Tara, even when I contemplate the beauty of a moment in nature. Yet, while I’m here, like you I will do what I can to keep finding the compassion to simply be present.

    Reply

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