NASA Confirms the Existence of Mennonites on Other Planets

Email received from a Mennonite Friend today – I just had to repost thinking that there are others besides myself who are interested in the kind of life the rest of us may expect to encounter on distant planets.  Forewarned is forearmed or something.

NASA Confirms the Existence of Mennonites on Other Planets

 November 24, 2016 Daily Bonnet isolationNASAsciencespacetechnology

WASHINGTON, DC

In a press conference earlier this morning, NASA scientists have answered a question that has plagued Anabaptists since the early days of the Reformation: “Are there Mennonites on other planets?” The answer, it seems, is a resounding “yes.”

“We have strong evidence that points to not only life on distant planets, but also the existence of thriving Mennonite communities,” said NASA spokesperson Loretta Rempel. “Our telescopes have revealed huge lakes of schmaunt fat on earth-like planets outside the Milky Way, as well as clear images of creatures who appear to baptizing adults.”

The newly-discovered planet, dubbed ‘Menno-69c’, is some 2700 light years from earth and it is not yet known how the Mennonites got up there.

“Mennonites love to travel. One theory is that sometime after the Russian Revolution, a few fringe groups from the Molotschna Colony broke off and headed into outer space,” said Rempel. “In their quest to flee from sin and the world, they must have felt that Paraguay or Mexico were simply not far enough away.”

NASA has made attempts to contact the distant Mennonite colony, however, it is not known whether the group has access to communication technology.

“We’re trying to send digital probes,” said Rempel, “but, since they’re Mennonites, we’re doubtful they will have the necessary electronic devices to pick up the signals.”

NASA claims it will spend between two and three trillion dollars to launch a horse-and-buggy into outer space sometime later this year. It is hoped that the rather primitive shuttle will reach the planet within ten years, after which time they will take over the colony, forcing them to abandon their way of life and learn English.

{PS:  Good luck with that last bit, NASA}

 

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25 thoughts on “NASA Confirms the Existence of Mennonites on Other Planets

  1. We come from dreams ~

    Oh, they DO have technology, only it’s air-powered in the same way that the “Pennsylvania Dutch” or Amish communities do. Their computers, instead of being powered by electricity, are run with compressed air, the same sort of thing you’d see in a modern auto or truck repair center for power tools. Very useful, but hard upon thine ears, Rebekkah!

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      I suppose that “air pressure” isn’t of the Devil, or sinful, as is electricity. Yet they do use electricity, however I’m guessing it’s from massive diesel generators, not from the evil grid? …and diesel isn’t from the “grid”?… Ah, the twisted illogic of faith.

      Reply
      1. We come from dreams ~

        I’ve been through Lancaster County Pennsylvania a number of times over the years, it’s about two hours from here. There’s a huge Amish population there. They’re not very talkative with outsiders, but one fellow did tell me that they use air power extensively. Another told me that before any technology is adopted, they discuss it in meetings of each community. Thus you have some groups which have no air, no juice, and others which do. At least they don’t have a centralized hierarchy…..which is likely the only positive thing which I would say about them.

        @ Mr. Militant Negro ~ to us, not having a sense of humor is the only real blasphemy 😛

        Roy

      2. Sha'Tara Post author

        Sadly those sort of religions are nothing but a side show. Do they really demonstrate a better way of life for the world? Could anyone learn anything truly “good” from them? Perhaps, if you happen to like being curator of a museum displaying zombie pieces.

  2. Mann

    Well… I had no idea what are mennonites and what is being talked about in this post… So I googled it and Now I can say I am a little more informed… 😉
    Thanks Sha’Tara.

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thank you for your kind and thoughtful nomination. Unfortunately I don’t have time to do blog awards and such at this time. But thank you… again. 🙂

      Reply
  3. Lily Von Valley

    Nice, and light. Though fascinating to think that maybe congregations are already set up – perhaps they reached for the stars to be closer to God? 🙂

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Closer to god? Nah, they just wanted more control over the land and the money through control of the government – Ult-Right, of course! But then that probably does mean being closer to god, in their way of thinking. I’ve lived with Mennonites most of my life and I know what the priorities are. Very few non-Mennonites know that they were staunch supporters of Hitler and his Nazis or that Mennonite communities in Paraguay hid Nazis after the war. I don’t think this involved the Amish Mennonites, not sure.

      Reply
      1. Sha'Tara Post author

        Who’s anus? No matter, yes, a good bet, as long as it isn’t mine. I’ve had them in my hair and got rid of them by shaving…

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