[thoughts from ~burning woman~ by Sha’Tara]
Over the years which this world has claimed from me, the one I refer to as “me” has awakened from the induced mind-sleep of the Matrix environment that holds this world, and this universe, in its bondage to the space-time impression of reality. No longer the zombie, I awakened to a strange reality that when shared with others who appear as like to me, did not understand it. They feared it, mocked it, or avoided it.
Early in this incarnation I became aware of the greatest loneliness: having no one else to share this awakening and disturbing “me” with. Then came acceptance of the fact that even in the most intimate of relationships, or groups of like-minded action people, I remained completely alone. Then came a new longing: for being truly alone. Never do I feel more lost than among people interacting on their various social levels whose emotion-laden stories, however poignant, however brutal, or however marvellous, bear no similarity to my stories. I hear them, as in a movie, a novel, a dream, or the thundering of a stormy sea against the rock-strewn shore in the darkness. The only connection I feel is through my choice of compassion as my life’s companion.
I awakened to my own reality of past lives and gradually future lives manifested also in my hungry mind. I learned early on that I come from infinity, from spirit, formless, existing beyond time and space. I learned that I am a mind, that which encompasses infinity without and within space-time, and I learned that I am also of this place, a place called Earth. I learned bits and pieces of my history, and discovering my many names, which as they were added to each other, allowed my mind to expand to n-th degrees beyond the limitations of Matrix-controlled *ISSA lives.
It took a lifetime to realize the necessity of rejecting the Matrix programming I was born with; of overthrowing the labels my parents, and society in general, chained me to; of rejecting, one by one, every aspect of mankind’s civilization as having any worth in my quest for self-awareness and self-knowledge.
I know why I did it, but how I did it could be of some interest to others in a similar quandary, i.e., being in this world but not of this world. I did it by plunging myself wholeheartedly in everything the Matrix offered me for success: my religion; my schools (education); my family; my politics and finally, my profession and the things I owned and accumulated to “prove” my worth. I left no stone unturned to make sure I knew what each one offered, and this is what I discovered: each one was a dead-end street. Each attempt at proving my Earthian worth to myself fell flat. I could have succeeded in any endeavour. I had the brain skills, certainly, with determination and focus. I possessed charisma (and note that I write that in the past tense.)
Here’s the funny part: I offered myself in service of the Matrix’ three major powers: religion, politics and money. But because I explored all of them and not just one or two, I literally broke out of the labyrinth. I discovered their utter emptiness; the smoke and mirrors; the three wizards desperately trying to keep their illusions going. But such illusions only work on zombies. Break out and you can never again be captured by the siren song of their artificial life.
Break out and you can begin to sense the greater reality. You feel that inner freedom that makes things of earth indeed seem like the paltry items a prisoner is allowed to keep in his cell. You realize how much of a prison earth has become for man, and how with each passing day as man’s limits to growth are exceeded in rising numbers and dwindling resources, the prison tightens its security and adds to its bars and razor wire; to its walls’ height. How those who manage the prison increase the pressure upon the prisoners to distrust, fear and hate each other so they will rely upon the guards and wardens for their safety; so they will never realize that their only value to the prison system is how much they sweat, shed tears, bleed and die to serve, feed and entertain their oppressors.
I learned to look beyond the prison walls at a different world which I call the cosmos. I looked at life in infinite freedom and discovered the means to escape the prison and travel across space and time. I no longer needed a body to do this and realized the limitations of the Matrix programming. It could not follow me, in fact it was unaware of my “escapes.” All it saw was a body, either asleep or dutifully performing its slave’s work.
No longer a slave to divinities, politicians or bosses… or of emerging revolutionary forces which I knew if successful in their bid for power would only replace the existing oppressive structures with more of same old, same old. No longer lining up to the trunk of the snake oil salesman and his alcohol and cocaine-laced cure-alls. I taught myself the freedom to spend days alone in nature, observing changing seasons, the rise and ebb of waters, the movement and calls of birds, growing plants and the various fauna that inhabited them and lived from them. I saw earth as I was meant to see it without Matrix blinders of fear or need of conquest and destruction.
I’ve just past the seventieth year marker in an Earthian body. Seems like a long time in earth times, but a blink of an eye in cosmic terms. Quite a dichotomy, living between worlds, having a physical presence tied to a tiny world and a mind presence ever seeking new knowledge, adventure and experiences in endless, nameless places and non-places.
Now I observe this tiny world seething with discord, it’s self-styled ruling intelligence without a clue how to proceed into its near and threatening future. I observe this intelligence plunging itself deeper into oblivious mindlessness, into planetary denial of its own reality. Unwilling to take responsibility for itself as a species it can only turn upon itself and its world, a mad dog chasing and eating its own tail and hating the tail for causing it pain as it is being chewed.
What can I say more: that I’m glad I’m no longer a prisoner of the programming? Certainly I am glad, for myself. How do I feel about the rest of this world; about its growing insanity and its denial of the doom it has created for itself? I’m a compassionate being and I experience the deepest of sorrow for this world. It’s not feelings I have, it’s awareness.
In a no-time and no-place, in the Nexus, is a world I call Altaria. My Teachers studied and taught there and I’ve got a “date” for my own entry into that world. When I am there I will be asked this very important question: what did you do, within your limited sphere of influence, to try and motivate your people to realize their peril and change their ways? And I will have an answer, and it will suffice. “I offered them the gift of compassion, but they turned it down. Ineffective, pie-in-the-sky they replied. So I offered them sorrow instead. They didn’t understand that either. They could not understand how experiencing sorrow leads to joy and creates empathy. I thought it was because these ideas are too simple. Then I realized they are much too complex and involved for the average Earthian mind, enslaved to Matrix programming, to grasp how a certain kind of powerlessness gives rise to the greatest of all power. Though they are inveterate gamblers they dared not gamble at this table. So I played alone and won.”
And by the way, for those who wonder at these thoughts, this is not fiction. This is my life. I’ll let you all know when I write fiction.
*ISSA: acronym for Intelligent, Sentient, Self Aware
“The coming years will prove increasingly cynical and cruel. People will definitely not slip into oblivion while hugging each other. The final stages in the life of humanity will be marked by the monstrous war of all against all: the amount of suffering will be maximal.” Pentti Linkola, Can Life Prevail? http://journal-neo.org/2016/09/12/the-empire-of-mediocrity-and-the-end-of-the-world/
“Bring back normal, get our cable TV back no matter the cost, nuke whoever you have to, just give us our lives back!” You have to see the end of all this taking shape, I know you do. […] Mediocrity cannot rule, but in the 21st century it can obliterate us all. I leave you with the root of our collective demise, the reason Obama or Clinton or Trump types enthrall the masses so:
“Most of our pocket wisdom is conceived for the use of mediocre people, to discourage them from ambitious attempts, and generally console them in their mediocrity.” (Robert Louis Stevenson) (Phil Butler, is a policy investigator and analyst, a political scientist and expert on Eastern Europe, exclusively for the online magazine “New Eastern Outlook”. http://journal-neo.org/2016/09/12/the-empire-of-mediocrity-and-the-end-of-the-world/ )
There is always a heavy demand for fresh mediocrity. In every generation the least cultivated taste has the largest appetite. (Paul Gauguin)
The soul is the weariest part of the body. ―Paul Bowles, The Sheltering Sky